Well this fella Harry T wuz raised up around the Ft Worth stockyards. Lots of folks don’t reelize the kind of scent that can put on a man and how hard it iz to get off. Well, one sad day, Ol Harry T traded in hiz cow patty pillow fur a bus ticket out to Oregon where he hoped the fresh sea breeze could blow off some of that Ft Worth a-roma.
Unfortunately for Harry T it did not quite pan out the way he planned it so he haz been wearin one of them truck deodorizers around hiz neck ever since. Well as they say you kin take the boy out of the bullshit but you cain’t take the ….well you probly heered that one already….Well I guess I better let Harry T handle it from here cuz he gits testy if’n he iz misquoted.
Well I ain’t sayin it wuz hard growin up but my kin wuz too poor to paint and too proud to whitewash. Though it’s not entirely true that my only pet was a tumbleweed I can say I never went hungry as long as there wuz heavy traffic and reckless armadillos. I et so many of em I still roll up in a ball when my wife yells at me. She iz always after me to lose some weight and I reckon she might be on to somethin cuz the other day I fell down and damned near rocked myself to sleep just tryin’ to get up. Well here iz some of the more important thangs you might need to know if you ever come to Texas.
never squat with your spurs on
never sign nuthin in the glow of a neon light
never drink so much you look like you wuz inside the outhouse when lightning struck
If somebody gits too windy say “jest give me the bacon without the sizzle”
never marry a woman so bow legged she couldn’t catch a pig in a ditch
Ever so oftin you will run across a fella that if you put hiz brain in a mocking bird it’d fly backards. So if’n you do don’t do no bizness with him or you will end up as disappointed as a coyote with a rubber chicken
Well fur now I better put this biskit down and reely git some exercise cuz foolin my wife iz like tryin to sneak the crack of dawn past a veteran rooster
Life ain’t about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well
Life is simpler when you plow around the boulder and the stump.
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’
somebody else’s dog around.
Ya’ll take care now