I am writing to let you know that if I have been a little slow gettin back to you on your emails it’s a result of me discoverin something called a “bulk mail folder” and it has been a genuinely rewarding human experience. I didn’t know so many people knew me, had special feelins about me nor were concerned about my welfare.
As I think about it tho, Hoag’s Bait, Tackle, and Ammo did have my picture holding that 8 pound black bass on their bulletin board for over a month last Fall and I am a charter member and former president of the North Texas Tri-County Night Crawlers Association. But never-the-less it did come as quite a shock when “Tanya” offered to show me pictures of her private areas. Now I’m sure this must be Tanya Bowles from Bulcher cuz J.D. Whitless told me that she was kinda handy with her polaroid.
I almost cried when a little lady from all the way over inoffered to give me half of her poor dead daddy’s life savings if I would just help her out a little with some paperwork and living expenses. She was in a refuse camp drinkin muddy water and eatin bugs but she still took the time to think of me. Now that is what I call the milk of human kindness. I’m purty sure I can run the John Deere back through the bank one more time and help that little gal out…no charge!
I had a bit of a scare around the holidays this year with my ticker and I guess the word got out there cuz folks I never even heered of has been sendin me stuff on losing some weight and gettin some cheap mexican medicine. If the hair growin paste works out too I mite have to toss out my ol cap collection and get me another picture pinned up down at Hoag’s .
I think one of my ex-wives has been talkin trash about me tho cuz eight or ten times a day I get advice on tally-whacker pumps and the like. Well I’m sure that is comin from Lindy Sue and she wouldn’t know the difference if she hadn’t taken such a shining to country rap.
Anyway I am gettin plenty of offers from younger wimmen who are lettin me know it’s a sure thing, if you catch my drift. One gal from Houston sent me her own personal private phone number and talked to me for over two hours last nite tellin me all the stuff she was goin to do to me if I ever got down there. I don’t think she even seen my bass picture. Wooooeeee!!! The word on this ol boy is out!!!
Well, lookin at my brand new $29.95 real deal Rolex, it looks like I have jest enuf time for me to find out what Jennifer, Kandi, and Ginger are up to and cash in on my free plane tickets and Kitchen Aide. Hell I might jest go to Houston this weekend on one of them new plastic cards and see if that ol gal is a keeper.
It is a wondrous world and I am lucky to be in it!